some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
