If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
