The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
