Plan B is the new Plan A
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
