he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
