And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
