Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
