I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Less talking, more tequila
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
