my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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