I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
