i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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