My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I look better un-naked...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
