This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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