I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
