update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
