oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think a kid would responsible me up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
