if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize