I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
