i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
