at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
