Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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