He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just had sex on a roof
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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