my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
