Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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