so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
