He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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