Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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