Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
