I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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