I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
