Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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