I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
