hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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