i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
