you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
