Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Text me some of your sweat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
