obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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