I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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