every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
