in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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