FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
