If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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