Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
