Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
