so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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