omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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