i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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