life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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