Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
two words...techno handjob
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
