I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my sisters under your porch take her home
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
