Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
