Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
