So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
