why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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