i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
