walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
