I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
