That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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