I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
