I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
