That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
