I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
