Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
