i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
