Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
