I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
