I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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