Can Purell be used as lube?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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