If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think i have two assholes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
